Marianna Update #23

 Dear Reader..

If I created titles for the last 9 months they would've been:
Oct.  Tuscany Babes have Corona! Lol. - 
Nov. The Fruit of Thanksgiving
.Dec. Christmas Break- HEY WISCONSIN
Jan. Return to Cali- Heart Changes
Feb. Everything is Opening, Everything Is New
Mar Beginning of Alive and Free
April Adventures and Journey
May Graduation and Goodbyes
June Hello Wisconsin

I didn't write much during those months as I normally do, and below I think you'll see why.  

4th Year of BSSM has been wonderfully terrible but incredible. I learned a lot, grew a lot.. died a little and lived a little. 
It is certainly hard to create an accurate summation when every month and week carries the weight of an entire year. I have lived in Redding for 3 years, this being the 4th, I felt like I was diving into the deep- however everything was in a stand still or felt.. paused. Life had become virtual, we became inmates of our own house, and eventually got sick. 

Personally, with new and old relationships I was dying. I had fallen into patterns and habits that were destructive, and with all the various restrictions I lost my center. Jesus shall always be the center. But for a hot minute he wasn't, instead- idols swooped in and tried to win my affection and attention and they won. I was a slave to pride and lust and selfish ambition. Of course, on the outside everything seems beautiful, but it's only a matter of time that what is within reveals itself.

That's what this period of time did for all of us, it exposed what was hidden, and revealed truth. Sometimes we call things truth, but are really lying about the true nature and state of things, such as our hearts and minds. 
I didn't consciously know that pride was eating me alive until it showed its ugly head and tried to divide our team. 
And that's where grace comes in. We all fight against the ugliness that tries to tell our story, and fall to our knees and cry out to God because we realize we are unworthy.
Then he came to me, and redeemed me, and reminded me of all the promises he's made over my life that still stand. That in my unfaithfulness he remains faithful.
That "come to Jesus" moment was in January and I felt absolutely alive again. I died and came to life, because he did. I held onto that truth as hard as I could. 

Then another hard season kind of blew me under water and I realized my footing still wasn't solid, my identity tempted to be tainted, and that my heart was actually bleeding from multiple stings. 
I started taking an Ecourse called "Alive and Free" and began a journey in March to awaken my heart, let it speak, and learn how to walk through healing with God. I have gotten so many breakthroughs since then about my view of myself, my relationship with men/brothers/ etc. and breaking off all the lies of performance. Having true brothers and sisters in this time was instrumental to change and healing. Being able to be so broken yet so held, is one of the most beautiful experiences in our lifetime. 

I served with my team and Theresa, finally free to meet and gather, go to minister, and we saw lives be healed, touched and saved. I love painting with Papa God and giving them away to people and seeing them moved to tears by what He has to say to them. Or watching them physically get healed just through a dance or song, there is nothing that God can't do. Even if I don't understand. He's just so good. And if he created us in his image (the CREATOR), then it only makes sense that he shows up through us in the most creative ways ever. 

And that concluded my year... of course not including all the birthday parties, me actually getting sick, the millions of hikes we did, road trips, late night chats and adventures.... but it brought me to graduation. Graduating a season of being in the BSSM environment for 4 years, undone by the goodness of God and his closeness. He is my reality.
 And leaving my best friends was one of the hardest things yet I've done...my Tuscany Babes, and Catch Guys :) Leaving my all time bestie, BFFL, and roommate for 4 years Breah... we all sobbed. 

But I have a peace that surpasses understanding that God is going to move in Wisconsin and I'm called to be a part of it. The years of dreaming of the mission field are at hand and better than I could imagine. There is a creative movement coming on the earth where God will come and is here now.  
I'm SO EXCITED. It's been really hard, not gonna lie, but I have great friends in Wisconsin too who have blessed me during this transition. 

Updates to come on what the future may hold... But for now... I'm so thankful for the Lord's kindness, his faithfulness.. teaching me submission, that his promises are forever... and that nothing is impossible with God because Jesus' blood paid for everything. 
I'd love to share more detailed testimonies soon, but thank you for reading my 9 month recap. God is good. 

Marianna Glatzel

Marianna Update #21

 *Attempted to send this out 3-21-2020 **

Honestly it's crazy that my last update's theme was about the time and season we're in and it was the 20TH UPDATE.(COUGH.2020) .. What even, and now I'm talking about personal growth and change- including my 21st birthday and its the 21ST UPDATE. Something sneaky is going on here...

*cue intro music* 

Welcome back to another classic, Marianna Update!!! 

I share what's on my heart and my journey in the hope that I will inspire you and bless you. I share to YOU because you are important to me and I'm thankful to have someone like you to include in my journey! I pray that every email you read from me, you'll see another aspect and side of God's heart for you. 

AND HERE WE GO.

The contents of this lengthy letter are very personal and deep and are as follows (read whatever interests you, but all of its grand):
Comments on the Times
Emotions
Current Reading
Dating

 

From the depths of quarantine, and self confinement, I am a voice shouting from the wilderness..... Just kidding, it's not that intense at all, it's actually been a lovely time! Of course, the entirety of the situation is quite crazy, intense, and in some places tragic... but on a personal level, our house has been filled with laughter, adventure, and God's presence.

It's interesting, this was previously going to be an email explaining how because of travel, I alone was required to stay at home until Monday... but now all of California is required to stay at home, including my 7 housemates. Within a week everything has changed, full of unexpected events.

 A lot of my friends have left, back to their countries, states and families.. And unfortunately our missions trips have also been canceled- thank you to those who may have donated to any trips or missions... I am grateful that I was able to have gone on my two ministry trips this earlier this year. School will continue as usual.. but everything online. (Thanks to Breah and the Steve and Ruth Moore team for setting up this new system!)

I believe that God is showing us that his ways are higher than our ways. Of course he didn't cause the COVID-19, but I do believe he is moving in ways of complete sovereignty and providence, greater than our comprehension.(More understanding of this I would recommend Kris Vallotton's messages).

It would be best for us to take heed of the times, be attentive, and be still. To listen to his voice, and go where he's going. Many times we will proclaim, yes God is for us!! God's on our side!! But are we on his?

We must turn our gaze upon the Lord, our minds to heaven's perspective, and remember that we are seated with Christ. God is good, and absolutely in love with us, wanting and desiring our attention... and he's moving in divine ways. 

We were born for such a time as this. 

Our children's children will look back at this time in history. 

What will be the story that you leave?
*FUN.* I have decided to write a letter to my future children. We did something similar in 4th grade when we wrote a letter to our future selves about watching the Inauguration of Obama. Sometimes we don’t realize or appreciate the time we’re in until it’s over. Take note. 

Thus we come to PeRsOnAL DevELoPmeNt. 

After the PA trip, I sprained my ankle and was in bed or resting for a few weeks, then the WI trip, and then recovering after, and then quarantined. My schedule has shifted and been slowing down for the past month, so this quarantine business has almost followed the flow of late. 

I have had to work on self motivation- finding goals and completing them, refocusing on tasks, my heart postures, as well as developing my prayers for my family and situations, and spending time with God.
I’ve been reading, painting, playing violin, adventuring and hiking, so muchhh funnn.. Oh and I also cleaned and vacuumed Breah and I’s room, as well as the hallway closet.  It’s been an exciting time.

After Wisconsin I had to process once again, through leaving new friends behind. Ministry trips are absolutely beautiful, you serve with your whole heart, see people touched, make deep friendships, and then leave all the richer, but another piece of your heart is left in that city, state, and church family. Wisconsin, hit a lot closer to home- literally and figuratively... Coming back was hard and the day after I cried out to Papa in anger, not wanting to return to school.
For a long time I had resented any angry emotions because of my experiences growing up- from other people and myself. This year and last has been a journey of relearning how to deal with anger in relationships and myself.
Oftentimes, my instinct is to immediately to shut down because I’m scared, because of pain, or I am simply unable to process the severity of anger. But once I came back from Wisconsin and I could sense that my heart was shutting down, I knew that I had to confront it. I went to the Lord and said blatantly, 'God, I am mad.' Immediately tears burst out of my eyes and I was able to come to him and weep over the anger that had been building up.
The Lord isn’t angry with us, and he isn’t scared of our emotions, and he doesn’t punish us for being mad.
We are not loved less because of our emotions, but rather it is how he created us.
Plans continued to be canceled, and I was being left to my own devices at home. I was able to process with the Lord and start having fun by myself- (with Jesus). I remembered what it's like to play, to be fully content, and like being with myself. I think I become so busy and so focused on other people’s approval that sometimes I forget what it’s like to enjoy who I am.
/////Another wave of emotions hit upon finding out that my grandmother Marion passed away a few weeks ago. Even though we may not know everyone in our family well, there is an unusual and unspoken bond ingrained in all of us. She was a lovely woman present in most of my memories growing up as a child- birthdays, holidays, absolutely kind and lovely. Amidst all of her tons of grandchildren, she was intentional and loving with each one. Thank you grandma Marion for who you are. You’ll be missed. 

With my time I have also been diving into reading. Books- I love books, my current reading and to read list has grown.. The books I am currently reading are:
The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas,
and Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge,
And The Calling Journey: Mapping the Stages of a Leader’s Life Call, by Tony Stoltzfus

BIBLE
Reading and digesting the word is crucial to every believer, you NEED to be founded on what God has said.(Message me with what YOU have been reading!) I have experienced that a lot of young people don’t really know what the word says, nor how it applies to every day life. But it is the ultimate truth and reveals God, it reveals his son and the beautiful love story but also holiness, and extensive characteristics of our creator God.
I am going through the entire bible, and am currently in 1 Kings 7- astounded by King Solomon and his heart to ask the Lord for wisdom to govern the people and do what is just; which in turn moves the heart of God. May my requests and prayer also move the heart of my Father.

For this season we have been reading PSALM 91.

VULNERABILITY TIME
I would love to end this letter with the topic of d a t i n g . PREFACE: Your identity is not defined by your relationship status. Singleness is an absolutely beautiful gift. If you are not in relationship, it doesn't mean you are any less of a person, and you don't need to be in a relationship to be complete. But actually our goal is to be whole healthy people in love with Christ growing and challenging one another for the goal of loving others well and revealing the creator God to them. .... I personally have been on a number of dates in my BSSM experience and in the past few years. BSSM/ Bethel, as well as many other Christian schools strongly encourage dating. They encourage their students to go on dates, meet new people and stop living in fear and high stakes, which I think is amazing! Their encouragement TO date also comes from trying the heal the pain and shame that has often come from church communities on the subject of dating.
I think one of the reasons it feels so high stakes is because people are afraid of break ups, they’re afraid of what people will think when it doesn’t work out, the awkwardness of friendships splitting apart and affecting their circle of friends, especially in church families. Yes it’s definitely an emotional roller coaster and awkward endeavour, but why does there have to be all this shame and hiding? What if we left people better than how we found them, instead of after every breakup, broken and torn apart? What if we actually had healthy boundaries to be able to love people well and help them live in wholeness? Yes, our hearts will hurt, it is painful, but anything worth doing will require something of us.

Relationships are beautiful, investing into people, loving well, being loved is what we were created for. Pain cripples us and tells us to hide, build walls, or we are too broken to know what being loved looks like and will accept any form of attention- even if it's unhealthy. Dating applies to everyone because to its core it’s about relationships, it’s about identity, and how knowing who we are. And from that its about how to love others well from a place of overflow, and being able to model relationships for the next generation.
Dating specifically, is pursuit- which can be risky, but out of a place of identity is such a beautiful adventure.
I’m currently reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, and they have such a way with words. They describe the desires of a woman’s heart. In Wild at Heart, they embark to uncover the desires and inner workings of men. We are all created to reflect an aspect of God, his beauty, his desire to be admired, to be loved, to be pursued… many desires we have downplayed, feel embarrassed by,or rejected because of some past hurt or experience, or comments from the world.
But they are in us nonetheless, and we are designed this way with PURPOSE, demonstrating aspects of God because we are MADE in his IMAGE.
Dating is a wondrous aspect of showcasing these desires… opportunities for Man to be the rescuer, protector, and for Woman to be seen as lovely, and rescued..these do not fall under weak and strong stereotypes. A strong independent woman would agree that it feels beautiful to be needed, important, but also to be fought for valiantly.
Dating has different levels of pursuit- but its all part of this beautiful life we live. I have often tried to push away parts of life that seem trivial and meaningless in comparison to the vastness of eternity, yet the Lord sets me down and shows me the beauty in simplicity. Such as the beauty in desires of becoming a mother one day. He fabricated life as we know it, it would be unkind and ungrateful if we were to under appreciate and reject his gifts.

I share with you parts of my journey for the sake of them being informative, beneficial, and as a testimony. To break off the shame of topics that feel safer left unsaid- but are worth saying.
Growing up I felt the shame of dating. I had relationships with guys that went deep quick, never physically, just emotionally. I was unaware of how to guard my heart until it was too late and I tied up in a web of complications, hurting me and the other person. The Lord says to guard your heart above all else, but I didn't know how to do this. All I knew was “not to have sex before marriage, and don’t date”. But then I was 16, 18, 20… dating became acceptable and expected- yet here I was unaware of how or what was okay.
A lot of churches and families may have been taught well of what to do, but a lot of my friends and I were confused on this subject. BSSM has taught me a lot about how to be healthy and whole person as a single woman, they’ve taught us about dating with low stakes, and that it’s encouraged, and also talked about the beauty of sex in marriage and that it was created by God.
Shame slowly started to fall off, especially in first year where God gave me permission to date. I then also asked my earthly Father, because I needed to hear him say it. Father’s, you have a crucial role in your child’s identity as well as their confidence. If you don’t speak over their life, society will.
I learned a lot about boundaries the hard way and eventually learned what it’s like to keep my heart in check through how much I talk to someone, how much I think about them, WHAT we talk about, how intimate I allow them into my heart and head space… things that no one has ever said OUT LOUD. But through every experience and Papa God’s wisdom, it became easier and easier. I had a lot of really tough conversations, but following the Lord’s voice I was able to guard my heart and find freedom and joy in places that gave me great grief, stress and deep pain.

You, dear reader, may be married, single, engaged, or in a dating relationship… but I implore you that your heart is important, the other person’s heart is important.. Treat them as the King’s son or daughter, and love them well, and leave them better than you found them. Believe in yourself as a man or woman, pursue them, you are enough.
And especially if you’re single, as PCON Manning once said, “Be the person you’re looking for is looking for." Invest in inward growth and you develop to become that Man or Woman.

All of this excites me because the Lord is also pursuing us, and we get to demonstrate healthily what that looks like with the person beside us.
I am currently in a dating relationship(for 8 weeks now!! YAY), and I have learned so much about God’s unconditional love, his pursuit and his kindness. It’s honestly kind of terrifying sometimes, but perfect love casts out all fear… and every day I’m learning what that means in a new light. I am also learning how to keep God at the center, how to keep in a state of overflow, but also be healthily aware of my needs. **IT'S OKAY TO HAVE NEEDS. WE ALL HAVE EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, AND PHYSICAL NEEDS.** It's crucial to 1. BE AWARE of them and 2. GET THEM MET HEALTHILY.
I’m honored to be challenged by this man every day as he prays for me, shares scripture with me, and shares His experiences with God with me. We all embark on different journeys, and I think it’s important to be surrounded by community and not to hide and isolate ourselves. So come with your wisdom! Your counsel! And help lead us in the ways we should go.. Keep us accountable in staying aligned to God’s vision and plan and guide us with encouragement and prayer as you would to any friend and family.
Daniel Obermann is a man of honor, who has fought for righteousness, integrity, purity, and exudes victory, and leaks Jesus. He has such a rare and treasured hunger for the Lord and His word. ***Regardless of what the future holds (no high stakes ;) ) I am so honored to have him as one of my bestest friends and currently be one that champions me, and he deserves a legit shoutout! (Shoutout!!) Thanks for who you are, and you inspire me with how you love others so well and your pursuit for God. I feel so seen, covered, and valued by you.

It’s important to follow the Lord’s leading as well as the desires he’s put in your heart. If I was talking to my Junior High Girls, I would give them this counsel: You are so deeply loved by the Father, he has the BEST plan for you. And as you spend time with Him, you begin to dream of that plan, all of your desires carry his vision for your life, and then when you come to make a decision, he trusts you to choose because you are his daughter, and he is your Father. Follow Him and believe that Christ and you are now one.
And obviously I would go into further detail about standards, and 1 Corinthians 13, but also who are YOU?  Are you healthy and whole, able to love from a place of overflow and identity? Or will you be seeking to only take and build your identity off of this relationship? From there I would advise that you treasure more time in singleness to pursue the Lord to hear what He says about you and who He is.

................
Thank you so much for reading, you are all treasured ones and I would love to hear your feedback and prayer requests! This was definitely a more vulnerable email, so I appreciate comments and thank you for enduring through to update #21.
Speaking of which, I am officially 21! My birthday was on the 18th, and I was celebrated well all week with flowers, cards, surprises and gifts, adventures, and breakfasts brunch. Thank you all for the wishes and prayers, I feel absolutely loved and adored. This year I feel a resettling of my spirit and desire to remember the simple truths of the gospel as well as to fully run after Him with everything.
May the meditations of my heart and words from my lips be pleasing to you, Oh Lord.. My rock and my redeemer.


Bless you, I plead the blood of Jesus over you and your family,
By His stripes we are healed.
Yours Truly,
Marianna Glatzel