This is the first time I've had to live away from home, to be my own person, and the first to know and find a reply within myself when someone looks me in the eyes and says, "Who ARE you?" and not have anyone around me who can speak up for me, or attest to my own belief of who I am.
Being away from home, you realize more and more what has impacted you most, where you've spent most of your energy, what has given you joy, and what has given you so much joy that without out it, there is a physical pain because its now lacking in your life.
In addition, I am constantly affronted with the growing reality of responsibility. Such as making dinners, being in charge of my health, managing finances, paying rent, grocery shopping, maintaining healthy social interactions, homework, time management, and being present but cognoscente of the imminent future.
Going home for Christmas break was absolutely refreshing to be taken care of, and to be around people I know and love. From game nights and the numerous festivities, I realized that first semester of BSSM, I had been trying too hard to be myself that I was no longer being myself. My actions and thoughts were all about trying to show people who I was and prove my identity and who I believed I was. Contrarily, at home I didn't have to do anything. Everyone knew me, I was allowed to just be. Being present is such a privilege and honor- to be accepted and valued without having to do anything, say anything, but enjoy the presence of another. At home I was allowed to just be, and it shocked me at first because I hadn't realized that I had been trying so hard at school that I forgot the simplicity of being. Then upon returning to school, my heart was freed of trying to prove who I was and I gave myself permission, as my mom says,"Just be you, you do you boo".
This acceptance of just "being", reflects unconditional love, true friendship, identity, and acceptance. It's beautiful to find people that will run with us in life, and also truly enjoy our friendship and presence. Occasionally this is hard for others, and me.
Have you ever walked into a room of people, and immediately felt like you didn't belong?I have most definitely felt this way before- which may come as a surprise to those who know me. But I think everyone has experienced this at least once in their life.
On one occasion, I went to a girl's night with about 6 girls from my Revival/Community school group. We met a girl's house and were making dinner. I instantly felt like I didn't belong, and this weekend in particular God told me that he was exposing a lot of lies in my heart and expanding my heart to his unconditional love. So after being with the girls for awhile, talking with them and just having a nice time, I still couldn't get the thought "You don't belong here", out of my head. Thus, I took a step of boldness and vulnerability, and told them what I was thinking and feeling. Tears welled up in my eyes feeling the words on my tongue, but once lies are exposed to light and the open, truth is able to invade. One girl looked me in the eyes and said, "Oh that is definitely not true. You belong here, we love you, and if you don't feel loved then we need to learn to love you better."
Instantly I was able to throw away the thought of not belonging because the truth was brighter, greater, and exposed my thought as being a lie.
Sometimes we don't realize we're believing a lie until exposed to truth. This is why it's important to be founded in truth so that any lie may be exposed and eradicated out of your heart and mind, and liberated to the fullness of your identity. Just being. Just being present is beautiful, and occasionally hard if your own heart chooses to believe that you're not worthy of being loved, you believe you won't be accepted or don't belong. And this could've been reinforced from past experiences, what people have told you... but in all reality we're not born believing these things. They're not true, you are SO worthy of being love, you're amazing. And Jesus died for you because he absolutely loves you.
Just as Adam was in the garden of Eden and he ate the fruit from the tree and realized he was naked, hid from God and God replied, "WHO TOLD YOU that you're naked?"
You're redeemed, eating the fruit and having sin enter in, opens the door to shame, and the thought that our bodies and lives aren't holy and worthy of being exposed to the presence of God. But this was never God's intention. WHO TOLD YOU, that you're ugly, that you're not worthy of love, that you don't belong?!
Because God NEVER said any of those things. And if someone told you, or it was your thought life, that's part of the enemy's plan to steal kill and destroy the God given identity that Papa has instilled in you and waiting for you to realize. When Christ enters into your life and heart, you realize who you really are because in Christ we truly live.
And being met by unconditional love. Being present not only with people because you were made for love, to love, and be loved. //Beloved// But also being present with the creator of the universe, and you. He wants to spend time you, just be with you, and you don't have to earn his love or affection. YOU DON'T HAVE TO EARN HIS LOVE OR AFFECTION. He loved you before you even acknowledged him or loved him back. He sent his son to die for you before you even wanted him in your life. He just wants to be present with you, 'Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you...' (James 4:8a).
All of this has been continually reinforced every day and in my heart here at BSSM. Being on my own and having everything that I could possibly associate with "Who I am" stripped away and know that I'm still loved and wanted- not having to work for love.
January's breakthroughs have been realizing that I had a 'stronghold' of rejection. A stronghold is a belief that we don't always recognized but influence our thoughts which trains your mind to find evidence for that stronghold. So for a stronghold of rejection, my mind instinctively would find evidence for why I was being rejected or unwanted. Such as thinking, "Oh my friend didn't ask me to sit with them, that's okay", but in my heart, subconsciously saying, "I'm not meant for deep relationships, they don't want to be close to me...". God showed me that I was believing this about myself and it was painful, and I was sobbing, but my roommate helped me say each lie aloud, and then laugh at them defeating Satan's plot. And then declaring the truths about being wanted, loved, created for long term, deep, and intimate relationships. Because under the stronghold, I was rejecting myself before other's could reject me. And this had been created through multiple rejections in the past that I had to forgive others for and give to God and no longer hold it in my heart and Jesus healed my heart and reminded me of who I am and created to be.
Most of my posts have been revolving around identity and healing lately, as you've probably noticed. I'm extremely passionate about other discovering who they are and finding freedom, because we're called to be free and live as Jesus lived- knowing who he was, not having to prove anything to the devil, but just knowing who he was and defying it with truth.
You are powerful, incredible, a world changer, and created for love.
I want to hear your story, and I'm willing to listen, so feel free to message or email me. <3
And thus, the adventure of being on my own, an adult, walking in the fullness of my identity in Christ, because I remain in Him alone and He remains in me.
His Beloved,
Marianna
Sunday, February 11, 2018
Sunday, February 4, 2018
Spiritual Healing
I have had to learn how to lean into God and leave countless moments of pain in his hands. If I hadn't and if I don't chose to every time I recall something painful from my past, that memory or event will continue to taunt me and lock me in a prison of shame, failure, and regret as long as I live.
First of all, here are few foundational verses:
Matthew 26:28 28This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.
Revelation 12:11 11They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Romans 12:1-2 1Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship. 2Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind
. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.
2 Corinthians 5:17 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
Isaiah 43:18-19 18"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
First of all, here are few foundational verses:
Matthew 26:28 28This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.
Revelation 12:11 11They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Romans 12:1-2 1Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship. 2Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind
. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.
John 3:16 16For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Isaiah 43:18-19 18"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Romans 8:38-39 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
To summarize... through Christ, we are made new creations, we're forgiven of all of our sins, and are covered by his grace and unfailing love. This renewed life is offered to anyone who will choose to receive it and will see the kingdom by surrendering your will and life to His Holy Spirit to become alive in Christ (to be born again John 3). Nothing can separate you from God's love, he's constantly pursuing you, its more powerful than all of creation including the powers of darkness.
In addition, YOU ARE FORGIVEN, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE A NEW CREATION. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs, the past is gone, and current struggles and past with sin are defeated because when we choose him over ourselves, we are then filled with his holy spirit, a supernatural experience that cannot be achieved through will power or discipline alone. "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, and you will be my witnesses..." (Acts 1:8).
How does this help me with healing?Healing involves processing pain.
Processing pain hurts, and usually involves a lot of emotions. Emotions are helpful for identifying pain, but sometimes can be unreliable. This is why you need a foundation of truths to surround yourself with when you encounter times of great emotional instability or chaos.
Often times when dealing with pain, depression, or other emotions, there will be a root cause. This root cause may be a lie you're believing about yourself (something that doesn't agree with what God says), and rather than already having a truth, you may first need to find the lie, give it to God, and ask God for the truth in exchange.
Processing pain is so healthy, even if it hurts.
Now other areas of healing may have been through things you've done- and remind you of regret and shame. Surrounding yourself with truths, and declaring them over yourself is extremely important in this area. Satan's job is to kill steal and destroy () and he'll do anything he can to steal the freedom, glory, and identity that Christ won or gained rights to by dying on the cross. (THAT JERK!) Luckily, when you abide in Christ, who is in you and you in him (John 15), you will be filled and surrounded with truth. Jesus: "I am the way, THE TRUTH, and the LIFE (John 14:6).
You don't have to believe stupid lies from the enemy, which often can look a lot like self criticism. Stop shaming yourself. Insecurities are still self centered and far from true humility.
You are called to be a king or queen. Humility is knowing that you deserve the honored seat at the table but then taking a lower one. If you came in deserving a low seat, and took a low seat, you wouldn't really be acting in humility because you had to take a low seat regardless. Thus, how are you to live a life according to your calling if you don't believe you're a queen or king?
Christ died to set you free from sin, from the sinful desires within you, the curse of separation from God's presence, the curse that separates you from your purpose and authority over creation (Gen. 3).
So that you could become HOLY to enter into his presence, so that you could be a TEMPLE for the living God who lives inside you, to carry POWER and AUTHORITY because the Holy Spirit has come upon you and He who lives in you has overcome the world, to live in RIGHTEOUS LIVING no longer enslaved to sinful desires or sin, and ALIVE in the spirit and dead to sin.
Once you BELIEVE the Good News that Jesus brought, "then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"(John 8:32).
Christ renews our mind, when we choose him, ask him to fill us with His Holy Spirit, the Spirit of truth brings us into all truth. "However when the spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. For He will not speak on His own, but He will speak what He hears, and He will declare to you what is to come." (John 16:13)
HEALING, is a matter of entering back into the truth of who you are and laying down the past and hurt at his feet.
HEALING, is regaining God's reality and destiny for your life and surrendering to a higher perspective.
HEALING, is allowing love to invade the most vulnerable places of your heart.
Its easy to talk the talk, but walking the walk is the most difficult piece of the puzzle. When we're tempted to give in to self pity, shaming ourselves, or surround ourselves with the past memories and sad atmospheres, we need to actively choose to forgive, and give that back to Jesus.
Sometimes healing may involve forgiveness- others or yourself, declarations over your heart, soul, and body, mind, breaking off "soul ties"**, or allowing yourself to feel the pain fully instead of numbing it and allowing your spirit the proper time of mourning with God so you can then be comforted by Holy Spirit and find joy.
**Soul Ties are like two pieces of wood that have been glued together. If you try to tear them apart a little piece from each plank of wood is left on it's counterpart. When we bond with other humans, we create friendships and closeness, especially through vulnerability. Husband and Wife have a healthy soul tie together, they are connected, they are one. If they go through a divorce, it is a forceful separation of was once one or joined. Moving on is excruciatingly painful because their soul tie, they have a little piece of their partner left on their lives and their heart. (Thus partly why God never intended for us to get divorced). Then if that individual proceeded on with their life and attempted to move on, they would need to "break the soul tie" in their heart by recognizing its presence, repenting, and giving it to God and asking for his power to heal and fill the place it took residence in your heart. Then stand in faith that God will continue to heal you, and if necessary, just like in the process of forgiveness, if you still encounter pain associating with that person, you may need to release that person again from your heart.
Actively pursuing Papa God, and healing are rewarding, comforting, and bring so much freedom.
To summarize... through Christ, we are made new creations, we're forgiven of all of our sins, and are covered by his grace and unfailing love. This renewed life is offered to anyone who will choose to receive it and will see the kingdom by surrendering your will and life to His Holy Spirit to become alive in Christ (to be born again John 3). Nothing can separate you from God's love, he's constantly pursuing you, its more powerful than all of creation including the powers of darkness.
In addition, YOU ARE FORGIVEN, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE A NEW CREATION. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs, the past is gone, and current struggles and past with sin are defeated because when we choose him over ourselves, we are then filled with his holy spirit, a supernatural experience that cannot be achieved through will power or discipline alone. "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, and you will be my witnesses..." (Acts 1:8).
How does this help me with healing?Healing involves processing pain.
Processing pain hurts, and usually involves a lot of emotions. Emotions are helpful for identifying pain, but sometimes can be unreliable. This is why you need a foundation of truths to surround yourself with when you encounter times of great emotional instability or chaos.
Often times when dealing with pain, depression, or other emotions, there will be a root cause. This root cause may be a lie you're believing about yourself (something that doesn't agree with what God says), and rather than already having a truth, you may first need to find the lie, give it to God, and ask God for the truth in exchange.
Processing pain is so healthy, even if it hurts.
Now other areas of healing may have been through things you've done- and remind you of regret and shame. Surrounding yourself with truths, and declaring them over yourself is extremely important in this area. Satan's job is to kill steal and destroy () and he'll do anything he can to steal the freedom, glory, and identity that Christ won or gained rights to by dying on the cross. (THAT JERK!) Luckily, when you abide in Christ, who is in you and you in him (John 15), you will be filled and surrounded with truth. Jesus: "I am the way, THE TRUTH, and the LIFE (John 14:6).
You don't have to believe stupid lies from the enemy, which often can look a lot like self criticism. Stop shaming yourself. Insecurities are still self centered and far from true humility.
You are called to be a king or queen. Humility is knowing that you deserve the honored seat at the table but then taking a lower one. If you came in deserving a low seat, and took a low seat, you wouldn't really be acting in humility because you had to take a low seat regardless. Thus, how are you to live a life according to your calling if you don't believe you're a queen or king?
Christ died to set you free from sin, from the sinful desires within you, the curse of separation from God's presence, the curse that separates you from your purpose and authority over creation (Gen. 3).
So that you could become HOLY to enter into his presence, so that you could be a TEMPLE for the living God who lives inside you, to carry POWER and AUTHORITY because the Holy Spirit has come upon you and He who lives in you has overcome the world, to live in RIGHTEOUS LIVING no longer enslaved to sinful desires or sin, and ALIVE in the spirit and dead to sin.
Once you BELIEVE the Good News that Jesus brought, "then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"(John 8:32).
Christ renews our mind, when we choose him, ask him to fill us with His Holy Spirit, the Spirit of truth brings us into all truth. "However when the spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. For He will not speak on His own, but He will speak what He hears, and He will declare to you what is to come." (John 16:13)
HEALING, is a matter of entering back into the truth of who you are and laying down the past and hurt at his feet.
HEALING, is regaining God's reality and destiny for your life and surrendering to a higher perspective.
HEALING, is allowing love to invade the most vulnerable places of your heart.
Its easy to talk the talk, but walking the walk is the most difficult piece of the puzzle. When we're tempted to give in to self pity, shaming ourselves, or surround ourselves with the past memories and sad atmospheres, we need to actively choose to forgive, and give that back to Jesus.
Sometimes healing may involve forgiveness- others or yourself, declarations over your heart, soul, and body, mind, breaking off "soul ties"**, or allowing yourself to feel the pain fully instead of numbing it and allowing your spirit the proper time of mourning with God so you can then be comforted by Holy Spirit and find joy.
**Soul Ties are like two pieces of wood that have been glued together. If you try to tear them apart a little piece from each plank of wood is left on it's counterpart. When we bond with other humans, we create friendships and closeness, especially through vulnerability. Husband and Wife have a healthy soul tie together, they are connected, they are one. If they go through a divorce, it is a forceful separation of was once one or joined. Moving on is excruciatingly painful because their soul tie, they have a little piece of their partner left on their lives and their heart. (Thus partly why God never intended for us to get divorced). Then if that individual proceeded on with their life and attempted to move on, they would need to "break the soul tie" in their heart by recognizing its presence, repenting, and giving it to God and asking for his power to heal and fill the place it took residence in your heart. Then stand in faith that God will continue to heal you, and if necessary, just like in the process of forgiveness, if you still encounter pain associating with that person, you may need to release that person again from your heart.
Actively pursuing Papa God, and healing are rewarding, comforting, and bring so much freedom.
My heart had been burdened by pain from different areas of shame, unforgiveness, soul ties, regrets- all just little pieces that will continue to accumulate unless we "take our thoughts captive", and intentionally bring them to our King. And often cases, he will let you know what needs to be dealt with in His own timing, so don't feel the need to go searching for troubles, ever. Only search for Him and his goodness.
I realize that I have a lot of "Christianese", and I will continue to try and word my posts in more normal language. But you are so loved and on the pathways to freedom!! I'm so proud of you and first steps are small but incredibly powerful.
I honestly am not an expert in any of these subjects, nor can I cover anything in its entirety. I'm simply a student constantly learning and love to share pieces of certain subjects; especially in the efforts to benefit readers.
Much love- His Beloved,
Marianna
P.S If you have any questions or are battling with something specific, please feel free to email me in the contact box at the bottom of the page or post a comment. Or if you have a testimony or beautiful story of how you've found healing!
I realize that I have a lot of "Christianese", and I will continue to try and word my posts in more normal language. But you are so loved and on the pathways to freedom!! I'm so proud of you and first steps are small but incredibly powerful.
I honestly am not an expert in any of these subjects, nor can I cover anything in its entirety. I'm simply a student constantly learning and love to share pieces of certain subjects; especially in the efforts to benefit readers.
Much love- His Beloved,
Marianna
P.S If you have any questions or are battling with something specific, please feel free to email me in the contact box at the bottom of the page or post a comment. Or if you have a testimony or beautiful story of how you've found healing!
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