Mental Illnesss/ 3 PART PROCESS- #2 INTIMACY
1.Shame
2.Intimacy
3.Armor
Excited for this second part of Mental Illness/Wellness. If you have not seen the first post about Shame, I highly encourage you to go read it!
I got a lot of feedback from my last painting, thank you for all your kind comments! But, my heart was more drawn to the fact that so many of us have been going through this silent battle in our mind and heart.
You are not alone.
You don't have to be silent, anymore.
//(preface: doctors are great, God is great. here is some insight from my experiences, not the ultimate answers)
3. INTIMACY
Sometimes I get sad days. The other day I schlumped to the floor, paralyzed and spiraling in my mind. I was numb, and then I became sad, and at first it was this feeling of worthlessness. Why am I here? There are too many responsibilities to handle.
The thoughts trickle in, I was weighed down and not doing anything seemed like the easy out.
Where did this come from? Why am I sad? I needed help.
My friend walked up the stairs and came to check on me and saw me on the ground crying. She instantly came to my side and started to ask me questions and comfort me.
I have a choice in my responses, I have a choice in how much I let her see.
All I could cry was, “I don’t know”, and I cried harder. It’s good to let out tears. Before I was numb, and now my heart is crying. It’s okay to be sad. But I wanted help, I wanted to expose the thoughts that were in my mind, because when you’re hiding and the thoughts remain in the dark they have control and they have a blackmailing effect. They make you believe if you don’t say anything about these thoughts, it will get better. They say, if you share, you’ll be judged for it. It’s shame coming back.
But THE REALITY, is that if you DO SHARE, light comes in. You expose every word to someone else’s perspective, you take the grip off your neck and speak them aloud and suddenly they lose their control and most of their power. You still might believe the things you speak aloud, but now they’re out.
“I’m sad. And…” I wanted to be truthful. “Just had bad thoughts. Worthless thoughts and not living”. It hurt.
She asked, “What triggered you?”
Suddenly I felt truth pierce my heart. That question gave me a random sense of peace. Triggered is an actual term, and I realized this year that I have a few triggers. They are illogical reactions to a situation stimulated by a memory or fear. It’s okay if the thoughts were stupid, she understood that I was triggered by something, nothing is wrong with me, I am okay, I am safe, even if I am reacting and sad. This isn’t me, I am not dumb, I’m not worthless. I am experiencing worthlessness and triggered by something into sadness. “Well, I didn’t do anything all day, I didn’t go on my hike this week…” Becoming self aware I have realized that I need outside time and exercise. It’s important to my health and mental health. I also had low interaction all day, not a lot of connect time with people. “And I haven’t felt connected to Jesus or people recently”. Boom, that was it.
My heart needs intimacy.
We need to listen to our heart and soul needs. Being known, seen, playing/having fun, accepted, belonging, those are all NEEDS. Emotions are indicators of pain, they are the “Maintenance Required” light on your vehicle! That if you ignore it for a long time it may seem like there’s nothing wrong and your car drives fine, but eventually the problem will shut everything down because it wasn’t properly dealt with when the problem was smaller and had just begun.
I felt LONELY. Loneliness is something we all encounter. It’s okay, but what does your heart really need? To have fun with someone, to connect, to be real? I needed Intimacy. To be known and seen.
“I need Jesus, I needed him this week and all the temptations have been louder than his voice and I have been fighting to be close to him,'' I whispered between tears.
“He’s right here dear. He’s right here". I started crying and instantly felt a peace rush over me as I became aware of my Jesus. I need Jesus, I need community, I need people in my life to connect with me. It’s okay to need things, that’s what makes us human. And God created us to be human on purpose, JESUS WAS HUMAN, and he showed us how to live a human life, with God.
I felt worthless, and purposeless because needs weren't getting met, but I also loss sight of my Jesus. He has brought me to life, he helped me realize the passions and dreams God put in my heart since I was little. Like Timothy, I intentionally need to grab onto the promises spoken over my life, and I remember who gave them to me. This was a week of me praying for him to touch my heart. He spoke to me in different ways throughout the week, but I needed to surrender to actually let him in so he could comfort me.
1.Shame
2.Intimacy
3.Armor
Excited for this second part of Mental Illness/Wellness. If you have not seen the first post about Shame, I highly encourage you to go read it!
I got a lot of feedback from my last painting, thank you for all your kind comments! But, my heart was more drawn to the fact that so many of us have been going through this silent battle in our mind and heart.
You are not alone.
You don't have to be silent, anymore.
//(preface: doctors are great, God is great. here is some insight from my experiences, not the ultimate answers)
3. INTIMACY
Sometimes I get sad days. The other day I schlumped to the floor, paralyzed and spiraling in my mind. I was numb, and then I became sad, and at first it was this feeling of worthlessness. Why am I here? There are too many responsibilities to handle.
The thoughts trickle in, I was weighed down and not doing anything seemed like the easy out.
Where did this come from? Why am I sad? I needed help.
My friend walked up the stairs and came to check on me and saw me on the ground crying. She instantly came to my side and started to ask me questions and comfort me.
I have a choice in my responses, I have a choice in how much I let her see.
All I could cry was, “I don’t know”, and I cried harder. It’s good to let out tears. Before I was numb, and now my heart is crying. It’s okay to be sad. But I wanted help, I wanted to expose the thoughts that were in my mind, because when you’re hiding and the thoughts remain in the dark they have control and they have a blackmailing effect. They make you believe if you don’t say anything about these thoughts, it will get better. They say, if you share, you’ll be judged for it. It’s shame coming back.
But THE REALITY, is that if you DO SHARE, light comes in. You expose every word to someone else’s perspective, you take the grip off your neck and speak them aloud and suddenly they lose their control and most of their power. You still might believe the things you speak aloud, but now they’re out.
“I’m sad. And…” I wanted to be truthful. “Just had bad thoughts. Worthless thoughts and not living”. It hurt.
She asked, “What triggered you?”
Suddenly I felt truth pierce my heart. That question gave me a random sense of peace. Triggered is an actual term, and I realized this year that I have a few triggers. They are illogical reactions to a situation stimulated by a memory or fear. It’s okay if the thoughts were stupid, she understood that I was triggered by something, nothing is wrong with me, I am okay, I am safe, even if I am reacting and sad. This isn’t me, I am not dumb, I’m not worthless. I am experiencing worthlessness and triggered by something into sadness. “Well, I didn’t do anything all day, I didn’t go on my hike this week…” Becoming self aware I have realized that I need outside time and exercise. It’s important to my health and mental health. I also had low interaction all day, not a lot of connect time with people. “And I haven’t felt connected to Jesus or people recently”. Boom, that was it.
My heart needs intimacy.
We need to listen to our heart and soul needs. Being known, seen, playing/having fun, accepted, belonging, those are all NEEDS. Emotions are indicators of pain, they are the “Maintenance Required” light on your vehicle! That if you ignore it for a long time it may seem like there’s nothing wrong and your car drives fine, but eventually the problem will shut everything down because it wasn’t properly dealt with when the problem was smaller and had just begun.
I felt LONELY. Loneliness is something we all encounter. It’s okay, but what does your heart really need? To have fun with someone, to connect, to be real? I needed Intimacy. To be known and seen.
“I need Jesus, I needed him this week and all the temptations have been louder than his voice and I have been fighting to be close to him,'' I whispered between tears.
“He’s right here dear. He’s right here". I started crying and instantly felt a peace rush over me as I became aware of my Jesus. I need Jesus, I need community, I need people in my life to connect with me. It’s okay to need things, that’s what makes us human. And God created us to be human on purpose, JESUS WAS HUMAN, and he showed us how to live a human life, with God.
I felt worthless, and purposeless because needs weren't getting met, but I also loss sight of my Jesus. He has brought me to life, he helped me realize the passions and dreams God put in my heart since I was little. Like Timothy, I intentionally need to grab onto the promises spoken over my life, and I remember who gave them to me. This was a week of me praying for him to touch my heart. He spoke to me in different ways throughout the week, but I needed to surrender to actually let him in so he could comfort me.
What do you need?
Who sees you, who knows you?
Have you surrendered to let Jesus come and look at your sadness, have you asked him to?
What's stoppping you?
Who sees you, who knows you?
Have you surrendered to let Jesus come and look at your sadness, have you asked him to?
What's stoppping you?
Be still, don't be afraid, he will come if you ask.
I pray peace over you right now, that your heart will speak and that you have the boldness to feel , but allow the Lord tho guide you so you're not controlled by your feelings. Feelings and emotions are GOOD(He made them), but sometimes they are indicators of pain that need to be addressed.
Deep breaths, become aware of what triggers you, talk to yourself like you're five, you got this.
Eat Well, Sleep Well, Exercise, Have Fun.
/////////
I pray peace over you right now, that your heart will speak and that you have the boldness to feel , but allow the Lord tho guide you so you're not controlled by your feelings. Feelings and emotions are GOOD(He made them), but sometimes they are indicators of pain that need to be addressed.
Deep breaths, become aware of what triggers you, talk to yourself like you're five, you got this.
Eat Well, Sleep Well, Exercise, Have Fun.
/////////
FAITH is a powerful thing, it’s a gift given to us (Eph. 2:10), and it’s also our shield (Eph. 6), but sometimes when we don’t feel something, we become discouraged. Feeling isn’t our truth, our experiences don’t define truth. The word promises that God never leaves us, his love for us never fails, THAT is the truth. And I will hold onto it no matter what I am feeling, because the reality is my feelings tell me I need to realign myself with truth.
The next post goes deeper into this as we look at the armor of God.
The next post goes deeper into this as we look at the armor of God.
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