In school, we have been going after prayer and honestly 2nd year has been dramatically different than 1st year for me. 1st year we focused on our identity, knowing who God is and that we are powerful sons and daughters. There was a lot of growth, but also a lot of discomfort, introspection, performance, and homesickness. But then, seeing tons of breakthrough second semester and growing so much in who I am and who He is.
IN CONTRAST, so far (two months in)Second year has had the beautiful focus of laying everything down for Jesus. Second Year's focus is Leadership through Servanthood. Thus, our worship times, prayer meetings, serving opportunities, and just everything we do is covered with the focus of Jesus and servant love- which is absolutely beautiful.
Monday, October 29, 2018
Friday, March 2, 2018
"College Hacks"
Hello friends, I'm currently 18 with the imminent birthday quickly approaching, March 18th. I've been able to truly "be an adult" for my first year of adulthood! I made the almost nonexistent transition from youth to young adult. This transition felt nonexistent similarly to how a beginner swimmer would feel if you threw them into the water and expected them to be able to figure it out, and maybe if you're lucky, immediately know how to do the front strike back stroke and butterfly.
At least thus far I've been able to get air, and almost swim to the other side of the pool. My idea of adulthood is around the concept of being able to say no to yourself (however that should be a goal for every age), but also being your own provider and no longer living under the direct guide of your parents. For me, not everyone, this is what adulthood looks like.
And thus, the reinvention of Marianna has taken place. Being my own independent, but INTER-dependent person in California, all the way across the country from my home in Wisconsin. Key term is INTER-dependent. Its not healthy to be Co-Dependent, and its not our ultimate goal to be Independent forever, we're made for relationships and connections. Thus my need for God, for my family, my Revival group family, my friends, and my roommate and housemates. They all have helped me through so much and we all need people around us, for us to pour into, and for them to pour into us.
I have often felt alone, or without hope, or just clueless and helpless on how to go about doing life on my own. But here I am! Alive and well fed, a roof over my head, a bed, I go to school, do life. It seems all hunky-dory. I've learned lessons, made plenty of mistakes, and did some adventuring.
NOW . THE FUN STUFF .
12 New Lessons
Since being here, I've done numerous of random "hacks", or makeshift recipes or solutions or alternative manner for doing something. I hope you find enjoyment in their randomness, plainness, or helpful descriptions. :)
"Sugar Free Cookie Dough".
Have you ever wanted cookie dough but without all of the risks and threats of uncooked ingredients? What about wanting to eat it, but not wanted to tons of sugar dumped in those little piles of goodness? WELL I've got the solution that will satisfy that temporary craving!
Self served, in a bowl.
All of the above can be their own stories, and you might start to see them appear in later posts. However, if you are extremely intrigued about a specific subject, or want advice or have questions about a topic, definitely comment or let me know!! I love starting conversations, this is an online and public journal to open up the conversation. Your turn!
Thank you for reading,
His Beloved Marianna
At least thus far I've been able to get air, and almost swim to the other side of the pool. My idea of adulthood is around the concept of being able to say no to yourself (however that should be a goal for every age), but also being your own provider and no longer living under the direct guide of your parents. For me, not everyone, this is what adulthood looks like.
And thus, the reinvention of Marianna has taken place. Being my own independent, but INTER-dependent person in California, all the way across the country from my home in Wisconsin. Key term is INTER-dependent. Its not healthy to be Co-Dependent, and its not our ultimate goal to be Independent forever, we're made for relationships and connections. Thus my need for God, for my family, my Revival group family, my friends, and my roommate and housemates. They all have helped me through so much and we all need people around us, for us to pour into, and for them to pour into us.
I have often felt alone, or without hope, or just clueless and helpless on how to go about doing life on my own. But here I am! Alive and well fed, a roof over my head, a bed, I go to school, do life. It seems all hunky-dory. I've learned lessons, made plenty of mistakes, and did some adventuring.
NOW . THE FUN STUFF .
12 New Lessons
Since being here, I've done numerous of random "hacks", or makeshift recipes or solutions or alternative manner for doing something. I hope you find enjoyment in their randomness, plainness, or helpful descriptions. :)
"Sugar Free Cookie Dough".
Have you ever wanted cookie dough but without all of the risks and threats of uncooked ingredients? What about wanting to eat it, but not wanted to tons of sugar dumped in those little piles of goodness? WELL I've got the solution that will satisfy that temporary craving!
Self served, in a bowl.
Banana 1/2-1/4 of a banana either previously frozen or regular
Butter 4 TBSP
Cinnamon 1 TBSP
Sour Cream 2TBSP
Instant Oatmeal 2/3 Cup
Vanilla Extract 1 Tsp
Honey 1 TBSP
These measurements aren't exact, play around with it. Directions: Melt butter in bowl, add bananas once both are blendable(if frozen bananas, put them in the bowl with the butter and microwave them till melted or soft). Add honey, if needed warm up again so honey can be melted together. Add rest of ingredients. Stir, place in the microwave for 1:20 sec. Stir and enjoy.
"Sugar Free" Homemade Ice cream!
My milk was expiring so I made it into ice cream and cream of potato soup. I had about 1 TBSP of Vanilla, 3-4 Cups of Milk, 1-2 TBSP of honey. *Experiment by adding creamer in with milk, or sour cream, half and half, or whipped cream.
In a sauce pan add milk, honey, and vanilla on low heat. Stir till honey seems completely mixed in or milk begins to froth. Freeze, once frozen blend it in a blender. Voila.
***Also, almost all recipes that call for sugar I've either replaced with honey or bananas, and can easily be replaced with dates if so desired.
More learning experiences have been...
1.taking public transportation, and my bike- getting two flats,
2.spending way too much money on groceries but intending to live
off of the food for two months, or at least a month and a half,...also
3.the importance of not just feeding your thoughts with trash- especially when lonely or homesick.
4. Make sure you have fun! Laugh! Do something you love, like drawing, dancing, OR
ZUMMBA. I've started looking up Zumba videos on Youtube and following along. It's a great way to get your exercise while having fun, and is an opportunity for the whole house! Especially if you want to learn Napoleon Dynamite's whole dance routine.
Butter 4 TBSP
Cinnamon 1 TBSP
Sour Cream 2TBSP
Instant Oatmeal 2/3 Cup
Vanilla Extract 1 Tsp
Honey 1 TBSP
These measurements aren't exact, play around with it. Directions: Melt butter in bowl, add bananas once both are blendable(if frozen bananas, put them in the bowl with the butter and microwave them till melted or soft). Add honey, if needed warm up again so honey can be melted together. Add rest of ingredients. Stir, place in the microwave for 1:20 sec. Stir and enjoy.
"Sugar Free" Homemade Ice cream!
My milk was expiring so I made it into ice cream and cream of potato soup. I had about 1 TBSP of Vanilla, 3-4 Cups of Milk, 1-2 TBSP of honey. *Experiment by adding creamer in with milk, or sour cream, half and half, or whipped cream.
In a sauce pan add milk, honey, and vanilla on low heat. Stir till honey seems completely mixed in or milk begins to froth. Freeze, once frozen blend it in a blender. Voila.
***Also, almost all recipes that call for sugar I've either replaced with honey or bananas, and can easily be replaced with dates if so desired.
More learning experiences have been...
1.taking public transportation, and my bike- getting two flats,
2.spending way too much money on groceries but intending to live
off of the food for two months, or at least a month and a half,...also
3.the importance of not just feeding your thoughts with trash- especially when lonely or homesick.
4. Make sure you have fun! Laugh! Do something you love, like drawing, dancing, OR
ZUMMBA. I've started looking up Zumba videos on Youtube and following along. It's a great way to get your exercise while having fun, and is an opportunity for the whole house! Especially if you want to learn Napoleon Dynamite's whole dance routine.
5.I've been on a date, gone swing dancing, gone to parties,
6. sobbed praying for a man who showed me what true faith and joy looks like, comforted my sobbing roommate while she was watching a war movie,
7. gotten so frustrated while trying to find things in the grocery store and overwhelmed by their varieties and prices,
8. gone to the rock climbing gym by myself and survived, and have recently have had the freedom and pleasure of exploring the outdoor areas around my apartment, in the park and random trails that I recently learned existed.
9. It's definitely good to start finding things that help you realize how beautiful your new home is, and to appreciate it more. Appreciation is huge and I feel lead to start intentionally finding time to call friends and family, and write thank you cards.
10. I've been using social media as a gateway for truth, like talking about sex to lead towards a love revolution and bring things out the dark.
11. I'm also processing and have been attempting to manage my food intake more- not eat when I'm bored, and not to think about food so much, especially when its so fun to make/cook/bake! As well as getting sleep, staying on task, and getting exercise in!! We sit down for hours on end at school, so I find essential to find time to get my heart rate up and engage my body.
10. I've been using social media as a gateway for truth, like talking about sex to lead towards a love revolution and bring things out the dark.
11. I'm also processing and have been attempting to manage my food intake more- not eat when I'm bored, and not to think about food so much, especially when its so fun to make/cook/bake! As well as getting sleep, staying on task, and getting exercise in!! We sit down for hours on end at school, so I find essential to find time to get my heart rate up and engage my body.
All of the above can be their own stories, and you might start to see them appear in later posts. However, if you are extremely intrigued about a specific subject, or want advice or have questions about a topic, definitely comment or let me know!! I love starting conversations, this is an online and public journal to open up the conversation. Your turn!
Thank you for reading,
His Beloved Marianna
Sunday, February 11, 2018
Who ARE you?
This is the first time I've had to live away from home, to be my own person, and the first to know and find a reply within myself when someone looks me in the eyes and says, "Who ARE you?" and not have anyone around me who can speak up for me, or attest to my own belief of who I am.
Being away from home, you realize more and more what has impacted you most, where you've spent most of your energy, what has given you joy, and what has given you so much joy that without out it, there is a physical pain because its now lacking in your life.
In addition, I am constantly affronted with the growing reality of responsibility. Such as making dinners, being in charge of my health, managing finances, paying rent, grocery shopping, maintaining healthy social interactions, homework, time management, and being present but cognoscente of the imminent future.
Going home for Christmas break was absolutely refreshing to be taken care of, and to be around people I know and love. From game nights and the numerous festivities, I realized that first semester of BSSM, I had been trying too hard to be myself that I was no longer being myself. My actions and thoughts were all about trying to show people who I was and prove my identity and who I believed I was. Contrarily, at home I didn't have to do anything. Everyone knew me, I was allowed to just be. Being present is such a privilege and honor- to be accepted and valued without having to do anything, say anything, but enjoy the presence of another. At home I was allowed to just be, and it shocked me at first because I hadn't realized that I had been trying so hard at school that I forgot the simplicity of being. Then upon returning to school, my heart was freed of trying to prove who I was and I gave myself permission, as my mom says,"Just be you, you do you boo".
This acceptance of just "being", reflects unconditional love, true friendship, identity, and acceptance. It's beautiful to find people that will run with us in life, and also truly enjoy our friendship and presence. Occasionally this is hard for others, and me.
Have you ever walked into a room of people, and immediately felt like you didn't belong?I have most definitely felt this way before- which may come as a surprise to those who know me. But I think everyone has experienced this at least once in their life.
On one occasion, I went to a girl's night with about 6 girls from my Revival/Community school group. We met a girl's house and were making dinner. I instantly felt like I didn't belong, and this weekend in particular God told me that he was exposing a lot of lies in my heart and expanding my heart to his unconditional love. So after being with the girls for awhile, talking with them and just having a nice time, I still couldn't get the thought "You don't belong here", out of my head. Thus, I took a step of boldness and vulnerability, and told them what I was thinking and feeling. Tears welled up in my eyes feeling the words on my tongue, but once lies are exposed to light and the open, truth is able to invade. One girl looked me in the eyes and said, "Oh that is definitely not true. You belong here, we love you, and if you don't feel loved then we need to learn to love you better."
Instantly I was able to throw away the thought of not belonging because the truth was brighter, greater, and exposed my thought as being a lie.
Sometimes we don't realize we're believing a lie until exposed to truth. This is why it's important to be founded in truth so that any lie may be exposed and eradicated out of your heart and mind, and liberated to the fullness of your identity. Just being. Just being present is beautiful, and occasionally hard if your own heart chooses to believe that you're not worthy of being loved, you believe you won't be accepted or don't belong. And this could've been reinforced from past experiences, what people have told you... but in all reality we're not born believing these things. They're not true, you are SO worthy of being love, you're amazing. And Jesus died for you because he absolutely loves you.
Just as Adam was in the garden of Eden and he ate the fruit from the tree and realized he was naked, hid from God and God replied, "WHO TOLD YOU that you're naked?"
You're redeemed, eating the fruit and having sin enter in, opens the door to shame, and the thought that our bodies and lives aren't holy and worthy of being exposed to the presence of God. But this was never God's intention. WHO TOLD YOU, that you're ugly, that you're not worthy of love, that you don't belong?!
Because God NEVER said any of those things. And if someone told you, or it was your thought life, that's part of the enemy's plan to steal kill and destroy the God given identity that Papa has instilled in you and waiting for you to realize. When Christ enters into your life and heart, you realize who you really are because in Christ we truly live.
And being met by unconditional love. Being present not only with people because you were made for love, to love, and be loved. //Beloved// But also being present with the creator of the universe, and you. He wants to spend time you, just be with you, and you don't have to earn his love or affection. YOU DON'T HAVE TO EARN HIS LOVE OR AFFECTION. He loved you before you even acknowledged him or loved him back. He sent his son to die for you before you even wanted him in your life. He just wants to be present with you, 'Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you...' (James 4:8a).
All of this has been continually reinforced every day and in my heart here at BSSM. Being on my own and having everything that I could possibly associate with "Who I am" stripped away and know that I'm still loved and wanted- not having to work for love.
January's breakthroughs have been realizing that I had a 'stronghold' of rejection. A stronghold is a belief that we don't always recognized but influence our thoughts which trains your mind to find evidence for that stronghold. So for a stronghold of rejection, my mind instinctively would find evidence for why I was being rejected or unwanted. Such as thinking, "Oh my friend didn't ask me to sit with them, that's okay", but in my heart, subconsciously saying, "I'm not meant for deep relationships, they don't want to be close to me...". God showed me that I was believing this about myself and it was painful, and I was sobbing, but my roommate helped me say each lie aloud, and then laugh at them defeating Satan's plot. And then declaring the truths about being wanted, loved, created for long term, deep, and intimate relationships. Because under the stronghold, I was rejecting myself before other's could reject me. And this had been created through multiple rejections in the past that I had to forgive others for and give to God and no longer hold it in my heart and Jesus healed my heart and reminded me of who I am and created to be.
Most of my posts have been revolving around identity and healing lately, as you've probably noticed. I'm extremely passionate about other discovering who they are and finding freedom, because we're called to be free and live as Jesus lived- knowing who he was, not having to prove anything to the devil, but just knowing who he was and defying it with truth.
You are powerful, incredible, a world changer, and created for love.
I want to hear your story, and I'm willing to listen, so feel free to message or email me. <3
And thus, the adventure of being on my own, an adult, walking in the fullness of my identity in Christ, because I remain in Him alone and He remains in me.
His Beloved,
Marianna
Being away from home, you realize more and more what has impacted you most, where you've spent most of your energy, what has given you joy, and what has given you so much joy that without out it, there is a physical pain because its now lacking in your life.
In addition, I am constantly affronted with the growing reality of responsibility. Such as making dinners, being in charge of my health, managing finances, paying rent, grocery shopping, maintaining healthy social interactions, homework, time management, and being present but cognoscente of the imminent future.
Going home for Christmas break was absolutely refreshing to be taken care of, and to be around people I know and love. From game nights and the numerous festivities, I realized that first semester of BSSM, I had been trying too hard to be myself that I was no longer being myself. My actions and thoughts were all about trying to show people who I was and prove my identity and who I believed I was. Contrarily, at home I didn't have to do anything. Everyone knew me, I was allowed to just be. Being present is such a privilege and honor- to be accepted and valued without having to do anything, say anything, but enjoy the presence of another. At home I was allowed to just be, and it shocked me at first because I hadn't realized that I had been trying so hard at school that I forgot the simplicity of being. Then upon returning to school, my heart was freed of trying to prove who I was and I gave myself permission, as my mom says,"Just be you, you do you boo".
This acceptance of just "being", reflects unconditional love, true friendship, identity, and acceptance. It's beautiful to find people that will run with us in life, and also truly enjoy our friendship and presence. Occasionally this is hard for others, and me.
Have you ever walked into a room of people, and immediately felt like you didn't belong?I have most definitely felt this way before- which may come as a surprise to those who know me. But I think everyone has experienced this at least once in their life.
On one occasion, I went to a girl's night with about 6 girls from my Revival/Community school group. We met a girl's house and were making dinner. I instantly felt like I didn't belong, and this weekend in particular God told me that he was exposing a lot of lies in my heart and expanding my heart to his unconditional love. So after being with the girls for awhile, talking with them and just having a nice time, I still couldn't get the thought "You don't belong here", out of my head. Thus, I took a step of boldness and vulnerability, and told them what I was thinking and feeling. Tears welled up in my eyes feeling the words on my tongue, but once lies are exposed to light and the open, truth is able to invade. One girl looked me in the eyes and said, "Oh that is definitely not true. You belong here, we love you, and if you don't feel loved then we need to learn to love you better."
Instantly I was able to throw away the thought of not belonging because the truth was brighter, greater, and exposed my thought as being a lie.
Sometimes we don't realize we're believing a lie until exposed to truth. This is why it's important to be founded in truth so that any lie may be exposed and eradicated out of your heart and mind, and liberated to the fullness of your identity. Just being. Just being present is beautiful, and occasionally hard if your own heart chooses to believe that you're not worthy of being loved, you believe you won't be accepted or don't belong. And this could've been reinforced from past experiences, what people have told you... but in all reality we're not born believing these things. They're not true, you are SO worthy of being love, you're amazing. And Jesus died for you because he absolutely loves you.
Just as Adam was in the garden of Eden and he ate the fruit from the tree and realized he was naked, hid from God and God replied, "WHO TOLD YOU that you're naked?"
You're redeemed, eating the fruit and having sin enter in, opens the door to shame, and the thought that our bodies and lives aren't holy and worthy of being exposed to the presence of God. But this was never God's intention. WHO TOLD YOU, that you're ugly, that you're not worthy of love, that you don't belong?!
Because God NEVER said any of those things. And if someone told you, or it was your thought life, that's part of the enemy's plan to steal kill and destroy the God given identity that Papa has instilled in you and waiting for you to realize. When Christ enters into your life and heart, you realize who you really are because in Christ we truly live.
And being met by unconditional love. Being present not only with people because you were made for love, to love, and be loved. //Beloved// But also being present with the creator of the universe, and you. He wants to spend time you, just be with you, and you don't have to earn his love or affection. YOU DON'T HAVE TO EARN HIS LOVE OR AFFECTION. He loved you before you even acknowledged him or loved him back. He sent his son to die for you before you even wanted him in your life. He just wants to be present with you, 'Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you...' (James 4:8a).
All of this has been continually reinforced every day and in my heart here at BSSM. Being on my own and having everything that I could possibly associate with "Who I am" stripped away and know that I'm still loved and wanted- not having to work for love.
January's breakthroughs have been realizing that I had a 'stronghold' of rejection. A stronghold is a belief that we don't always recognized but influence our thoughts which trains your mind to find evidence for that stronghold. So for a stronghold of rejection, my mind instinctively would find evidence for why I was being rejected or unwanted. Such as thinking, "Oh my friend didn't ask me to sit with them, that's okay", but in my heart, subconsciously saying, "I'm not meant for deep relationships, they don't want to be close to me...". God showed me that I was believing this about myself and it was painful, and I was sobbing, but my roommate helped me say each lie aloud, and then laugh at them defeating Satan's plot. And then declaring the truths about being wanted, loved, created for long term, deep, and intimate relationships. Because under the stronghold, I was rejecting myself before other's could reject me. And this had been created through multiple rejections in the past that I had to forgive others for and give to God and no longer hold it in my heart and Jesus healed my heart and reminded me of who I am and created to be.
Most of my posts have been revolving around identity and healing lately, as you've probably noticed. I'm extremely passionate about other discovering who they are and finding freedom, because we're called to be free and live as Jesus lived- knowing who he was, not having to prove anything to the devil, but just knowing who he was and defying it with truth.
You are powerful, incredible, a world changer, and created for love.
I want to hear your story, and I'm willing to listen, so feel free to message or email me. <3
And thus, the adventure of being on my own, an adult, walking in the fullness of my identity in Christ, because I remain in Him alone and He remains in me.
His Beloved,
Marianna
Sunday, February 4, 2018
Spiritual Healing
I have had to learn how to lean into God and leave countless moments of pain in his hands. If I hadn't and if I don't chose to every time I recall something painful from my past, that memory or event will continue to taunt me and lock me in a prison of shame, failure, and regret as long as I live.
First of all, here are few foundational verses:
Matthew 26:28 28This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.
Revelation 12:11 11They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Romans 12:1-2 1Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship. 2Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind
. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.
2 Corinthians 5:17 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
Isaiah 43:18-19 18"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
First of all, here are few foundational verses:
Matthew 26:28 28This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.
Revelation 12:11 11They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.
Romans 12:1-2 1Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship. 2Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind
. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.
John 3:16 16For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Isaiah 43:18-19 18"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Romans 8:38-39 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
To summarize... through Christ, we are made new creations, we're forgiven of all of our sins, and are covered by his grace and unfailing love. This renewed life is offered to anyone who will choose to receive it and will see the kingdom by surrendering your will and life to His Holy Spirit to become alive in Christ (to be born again John 3). Nothing can separate you from God's love, he's constantly pursuing you, its more powerful than all of creation including the powers of darkness.
In addition, YOU ARE FORGIVEN, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE A NEW CREATION. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs, the past is gone, and current struggles and past with sin are defeated because when we choose him over ourselves, we are then filled with his holy spirit, a supernatural experience that cannot be achieved through will power or discipline alone. "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, and you will be my witnesses..." (Acts 1:8).
How does this help me with healing?Healing involves processing pain.
Processing pain hurts, and usually involves a lot of emotions. Emotions are helpful for identifying pain, but sometimes can be unreliable. This is why you need a foundation of truths to surround yourself with when you encounter times of great emotional instability or chaos.
Often times when dealing with pain, depression, or other emotions, there will be a root cause. This root cause may be a lie you're believing about yourself (something that doesn't agree with what God says), and rather than already having a truth, you may first need to find the lie, give it to God, and ask God for the truth in exchange.
Processing pain is so healthy, even if it hurts.
Now other areas of healing may have been through things you've done- and remind you of regret and shame. Surrounding yourself with truths, and declaring them over yourself is extremely important in this area. Satan's job is to kill steal and destroy () and he'll do anything he can to steal the freedom, glory, and identity that Christ won or gained rights to by dying on the cross. (THAT JERK!) Luckily, when you abide in Christ, who is in you and you in him (John 15), you will be filled and surrounded with truth. Jesus: "I am the way, THE TRUTH, and the LIFE (John 14:6).
You don't have to believe stupid lies from the enemy, which often can look a lot like self criticism. Stop shaming yourself. Insecurities are still self centered and far from true humility.
You are called to be a king or queen. Humility is knowing that you deserve the honored seat at the table but then taking a lower one. If you came in deserving a low seat, and took a low seat, you wouldn't really be acting in humility because you had to take a low seat regardless. Thus, how are you to live a life according to your calling if you don't believe you're a queen or king?
Christ died to set you free from sin, from the sinful desires within you, the curse of separation from God's presence, the curse that separates you from your purpose and authority over creation (Gen. 3).
So that you could become HOLY to enter into his presence, so that you could be a TEMPLE for the living God who lives inside you, to carry POWER and AUTHORITY because the Holy Spirit has come upon you and He who lives in you has overcome the world, to live in RIGHTEOUS LIVING no longer enslaved to sinful desires or sin, and ALIVE in the spirit and dead to sin.
Once you BELIEVE the Good News that Jesus brought, "then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"(John 8:32).
Christ renews our mind, when we choose him, ask him to fill us with His Holy Spirit, the Spirit of truth brings us into all truth. "However when the spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. For He will not speak on His own, but He will speak what He hears, and He will declare to you what is to come." (John 16:13)
HEALING, is a matter of entering back into the truth of who you are and laying down the past and hurt at his feet.
HEALING, is regaining God's reality and destiny for your life and surrendering to a higher perspective.
HEALING, is allowing love to invade the most vulnerable places of your heart.
Its easy to talk the talk, but walking the walk is the most difficult piece of the puzzle. When we're tempted to give in to self pity, shaming ourselves, or surround ourselves with the past memories and sad atmospheres, we need to actively choose to forgive, and give that back to Jesus.
Sometimes healing may involve forgiveness- others or yourself, declarations over your heart, soul, and body, mind, breaking off "soul ties"**, or allowing yourself to feel the pain fully instead of numbing it and allowing your spirit the proper time of mourning with God so you can then be comforted by Holy Spirit and find joy.
**Soul Ties are like two pieces of wood that have been glued together. If you try to tear them apart a little piece from each plank of wood is left on it's counterpart. When we bond with other humans, we create friendships and closeness, especially through vulnerability. Husband and Wife have a healthy soul tie together, they are connected, they are one. If they go through a divorce, it is a forceful separation of was once one or joined. Moving on is excruciatingly painful because their soul tie, they have a little piece of their partner left on their lives and their heart. (Thus partly why God never intended for us to get divorced). Then if that individual proceeded on with their life and attempted to move on, they would need to "break the soul tie" in their heart by recognizing its presence, repenting, and giving it to God and asking for his power to heal and fill the place it took residence in your heart. Then stand in faith that God will continue to heal you, and if necessary, just like in the process of forgiveness, if you still encounter pain associating with that person, you may need to release that person again from your heart.
Actively pursuing Papa God, and healing are rewarding, comforting, and bring so much freedom.
To summarize... through Christ, we are made new creations, we're forgiven of all of our sins, and are covered by his grace and unfailing love. This renewed life is offered to anyone who will choose to receive it and will see the kingdom by surrendering your will and life to His Holy Spirit to become alive in Christ (to be born again John 3). Nothing can separate you from God's love, he's constantly pursuing you, its more powerful than all of creation including the powers of darkness.
In addition, YOU ARE FORGIVEN, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE A NEW CREATION. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs, the past is gone, and current struggles and past with sin are defeated because when we choose him over ourselves, we are then filled with his holy spirit, a supernatural experience that cannot be achieved through will power or discipline alone. "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, and you will be my witnesses..." (Acts 1:8).
How does this help me with healing?Healing involves processing pain.
Processing pain hurts, and usually involves a lot of emotions. Emotions are helpful for identifying pain, but sometimes can be unreliable. This is why you need a foundation of truths to surround yourself with when you encounter times of great emotional instability or chaos.
Often times when dealing with pain, depression, or other emotions, there will be a root cause. This root cause may be a lie you're believing about yourself (something that doesn't agree with what God says), and rather than already having a truth, you may first need to find the lie, give it to God, and ask God for the truth in exchange.
Processing pain is so healthy, even if it hurts.
Now other areas of healing may have been through things you've done- and remind you of regret and shame. Surrounding yourself with truths, and declaring them over yourself is extremely important in this area. Satan's job is to kill steal and destroy () and he'll do anything he can to steal the freedom, glory, and identity that Christ won or gained rights to by dying on the cross. (THAT JERK!) Luckily, when you abide in Christ, who is in you and you in him (John 15), you will be filled and surrounded with truth. Jesus: "I am the way, THE TRUTH, and the LIFE (John 14:6).
You don't have to believe stupid lies from the enemy, which often can look a lot like self criticism. Stop shaming yourself. Insecurities are still self centered and far from true humility.
You are called to be a king or queen. Humility is knowing that you deserve the honored seat at the table but then taking a lower one. If you came in deserving a low seat, and took a low seat, you wouldn't really be acting in humility because you had to take a low seat regardless. Thus, how are you to live a life according to your calling if you don't believe you're a queen or king?
Christ died to set you free from sin, from the sinful desires within you, the curse of separation from God's presence, the curse that separates you from your purpose and authority over creation (Gen. 3).
So that you could become HOLY to enter into his presence, so that you could be a TEMPLE for the living God who lives inside you, to carry POWER and AUTHORITY because the Holy Spirit has come upon you and He who lives in you has overcome the world, to live in RIGHTEOUS LIVING no longer enslaved to sinful desires or sin, and ALIVE in the spirit and dead to sin.
Once you BELIEVE the Good News that Jesus brought, "then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"(John 8:32).
Christ renews our mind, when we choose him, ask him to fill us with His Holy Spirit, the Spirit of truth brings us into all truth. "However when the spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. For He will not speak on His own, but He will speak what He hears, and He will declare to you what is to come." (John 16:13)
HEALING, is a matter of entering back into the truth of who you are and laying down the past and hurt at his feet.
HEALING, is regaining God's reality and destiny for your life and surrendering to a higher perspective.
HEALING, is allowing love to invade the most vulnerable places of your heart.
Its easy to talk the talk, but walking the walk is the most difficult piece of the puzzle. When we're tempted to give in to self pity, shaming ourselves, or surround ourselves with the past memories and sad atmospheres, we need to actively choose to forgive, and give that back to Jesus.
Sometimes healing may involve forgiveness- others or yourself, declarations over your heart, soul, and body, mind, breaking off "soul ties"**, or allowing yourself to feel the pain fully instead of numbing it and allowing your spirit the proper time of mourning with God so you can then be comforted by Holy Spirit and find joy.
**Soul Ties are like two pieces of wood that have been glued together. If you try to tear them apart a little piece from each plank of wood is left on it's counterpart. When we bond with other humans, we create friendships and closeness, especially through vulnerability. Husband and Wife have a healthy soul tie together, they are connected, they are one. If they go through a divorce, it is a forceful separation of was once one or joined. Moving on is excruciatingly painful because their soul tie, they have a little piece of their partner left on their lives and their heart. (Thus partly why God never intended for us to get divorced). Then if that individual proceeded on with their life and attempted to move on, they would need to "break the soul tie" in their heart by recognizing its presence, repenting, and giving it to God and asking for his power to heal and fill the place it took residence in your heart. Then stand in faith that God will continue to heal you, and if necessary, just like in the process of forgiveness, if you still encounter pain associating with that person, you may need to release that person again from your heart.
Actively pursuing Papa God, and healing are rewarding, comforting, and bring so much freedom.
My heart had been burdened by pain from different areas of shame, unforgiveness, soul ties, regrets- all just little pieces that will continue to accumulate unless we "take our thoughts captive", and intentionally bring them to our King. And often cases, he will let you know what needs to be dealt with in His own timing, so don't feel the need to go searching for troubles, ever. Only search for Him and his goodness.
I realize that I have a lot of "Christianese", and I will continue to try and word my posts in more normal language. But you are so loved and on the pathways to freedom!! I'm so proud of you and first steps are small but incredibly powerful.
I honestly am not an expert in any of these subjects, nor can I cover anything in its entirety. I'm simply a student constantly learning and love to share pieces of certain subjects; especially in the efforts to benefit readers.
Much love- His Beloved,
Marianna
P.S If you have any questions or are battling with something specific, please feel free to email me in the contact box at the bottom of the page or post a comment. Or if you have a testimony or beautiful story of how you've found healing!
I realize that I have a lot of "Christianese", and I will continue to try and word my posts in more normal language. But you are so loved and on the pathways to freedom!! I'm so proud of you and first steps are small but incredibly powerful.
I honestly am not an expert in any of these subjects, nor can I cover anything in its entirety. I'm simply a student constantly learning and love to share pieces of certain subjects; especially in the efforts to benefit readers.
Much love- His Beloved,
Marianna
P.S If you have any questions or are battling with something specific, please feel free to email me in the contact box at the bottom of the page or post a comment. Or if you have a testimony or beautiful story of how you've found healing!
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
BSSM//Flashbacks
F R E E D O M
Almost exactly a year ago, January 17th of 2017, I began my application process for BSSM. It was exam week(at South High School), and I distinctly remember hiding away in one of the unused classrooms during a free period to participate in a skype interview with staff from BSSM. BSSM, stands for Bethel's School of Supernatural Ministry and is a three year program that goes over Identity (1st Year), Leadership (2nd Year), and then as servant under a pastor or leader (3rd Year). Throughout each of these years we go over the Bible, Kingdom Values represented in the bible and lived out by Jesus (like gifts of the spirit, roles of the church, healing, apostles, etc.) and plenty of books from the key speakers like Bill Johnson. From September till May we're constantly learning and growing as a class and family.
Back in 2017, during this interview they asked personal questions of our testimony and personal struggles we have either dealt with or are currently dealing with. I felt pretty confident in my answers and in knowing what Christ has done for me, and was glad to find out a few weeks later that I had been accepted in!
That was January of 2017, and now it is January of 2018. I'm floored thinking of all the fantastic adventures I've had, and God's never-ending faithfulness through it all. In an earlier post, I got through my 2017 reflection, but that hadn't even made a dent in the change I have undergone through these past 5 months at BSSM.
Last year around this time, I was still healing from heart break, I was working hard to get healthy, including doing the Whole 30 which fasted foods with sugars and other requirements, and doing plenty of workouts in the gym at my school. Not to mention I was still working at Swimtastic and practicing swimming strokes as much as I could. I worked with kids at the Swim School, and at Heyer Elementary, and was constantly occupied with school, art, work, staying healthy, all the while battling with inward turmoil, guilt, and so many other emotions that I found myself broken multiple times. One occasion I was sobbing in the locker room and getting out any left over anger on the punching bags with bleeding knuckles at the gym. It's interesting what humans view as justice, and more specifically- justified punishment. Cause I punished myself by punching the mats so hard so that they would bleed. I felt as if I deserved it for the pain I caused a dear friend.
Sometimes because of shame, pain, or self worth (or lack of) we inflict pain/punishment on ourselves. This is called self harm. Not eating healthily by either overeating or eating too much on purpose isn't healthy and thus self harm. Not sleeping, isolating yourself, not meeting emotional and physical needs can all be considered self harm through not treating your body right. You're worth so much more than that. At the store, the value of an item is identified by how much someone pays for it right? If Jesus gave up his life, in exchange for yours, what does that say about your value? He paid the price, for your life, so you could live, because you are valued, and you are loved.
Punching mats, not eating right, etc., could be seen as self centered even, because insecurities are still self absorbed, but reveal inner lies and pain that needs to be addressed.
Now these are intimate matters and I would never dream of revealing secrets or private struggles of someone else, but overcoming pain and finding healing is part of my story and something I'd be passionate in helping others through.. because Papa God has been so generous in giving me grace to help my process of healing and overcoming so many lies that I hadn't even realized I was believing. And such lies were buried by so much shame that it hurt to try and expose them and so I hid them in the dark. But when you're under the outpouring of the Father's love, his light floods every area of our heart and you can't help but become exposed and undone.
During BSSM such lies will be exposed because we live in a revivalist culture, centered around Papa God and his unconditional love that constantly pours and pours and pours. We just need to learn how to position ourselves under it and process all of the dirt it exposes and allow him to keep cleaning everything he finds deep inside, but to focus on his grace and not our mistakes. Because Jesus paid the price for our punishment on the cross, he bore the shame of a criminal in our place, and as our old sinful lives have died with him, we also rise again with him as new creations in his glory. We were made for glory, and remade to be like him, who is alive and holy.
And you are also made holy and loved.
Obviously I don't want to diminish your pain or what you've been going through. This has been a long year and a half of processing and finally finding healing. I encourage you to talk about it, find someone you can trust, and take steps to learning how to love yourself.
One of these steps is intentionally trying asking God, or just yourself and processing what you believe about yourself.
For example, for the longest time I didn't believe I was beautiful. I didn't know that was a lie until it hurt too much to bare. It felt so good to believe that I was ugly... but I realized that's how Satan gets his way. For example: Let's say your mom made the best cookies ever, and you've already had 5. You know you shouldn't eat that 6th cookie, but you do anyway. It tastes sooo good in the moment, but later you have the worst stomach ache. Lies sound and taste good because its that satisfaction of temptation, but it only harms you because its not truth. God's truth is that you ARE beautiful or handsome, and knowing Jesus, He sets you free from any sin, lie, and pain. //The truth sets you free//
Taking a step to loving yourself, is getting to the root of the issues, which usually is a lie.
Some of the major lies and truths that God has been revealing in my own heart thus far, and if you identify with any of these, feel free to repent of the lies yourself and declare God's truths!
Lie: I'm no longer a child, and thus God no longer allows me in or wants me in His presence.
Truth: I'M ALWAYS A CHILD OF GOD, AND HE WANTS ME IN HIS PRESENCE, AND LOVES ME SO MUCH.
BIG FAT LIE: I don't deserve a good future husband, because I'm not good enough and a terrible person.
Truth: I am amazing and deserve a good future husband, I'm redeemed and holy.
Lie: I'm not wanted, because my experiences have shown me that I'm consistently rejected.
Truth: I may have been rejected and had friends in different seasons, but I am so wanted, I'm so loved and meant to have long term and deep relationships. I am a good friend, I love people well and worthy of being loved in return.
Thanks for reading friends, it's been a roller coaster and there's definitely much more to discuss. If you have any questions, comments, want to talk to somebody or share your story, please feel free to message me!(Comment below or privately with the comment space at the bottom of the page).
YOU ARE SO LOVED!
God bless!
His Beloved, Marianna
P.S
And weekly memory verse is Revelation 12:11 And he defeated him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. For they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die.
If you want to join me in any bible reading, tonight its 2 Samuel 7-12, Ps 23-25, 100, 101, 123-125.
Almost exactly a year ago, January 17th of 2017, I began my application process for BSSM. It was exam week(at South High School), and I distinctly remember hiding away in one of the unused classrooms during a free period to participate in a skype interview with staff from BSSM. BSSM, stands for Bethel's School of Supernatural Ministry and is a three year program that goes over Identity (1st Year), Leadership (2nd Year), and then as servant under a pastor or leader (3rd Year). Throughout each of these years we go over the Bible, Kingdom Values represented in the bible and lived out by Jesus (like gifts of the spirit, roles of the church, healing, apostles, etc.) and plenty of books from the key speakers like Bill Johnson. From September till May we're constantly learning and growing as a class and family.
Back in 2017, during this interview they asked personal questions of our testimony and personal struggles we have either dealt with or are currently dealing with. I felt pretty confident in my answers and in knowing what Christ has done for me, and was glad to find out a few weeks later that I had been accepted in!
That was January of 2017, and now it is January of 2018. I'm floored thinking of all the fantastic adventures I've had, and God's never-ending faithfulness through it all. In an earlier post, I got through my 2017 reflection, but that hadn't even made a dent in the change I have undergone through these past 5 months at BSSM.
Last year around this time, I was still healing from heart break, I was working hard to get healthy, including doing the Whole 30 which fasted foods with sugars and other requirements, and doing plenty of workouts in the gym at my school. Not to mention I was still working at Swimtastic and practicing swimming strokes as much as I could. I worked with kids at the Swim School, and at Heyer Elementary, and was constantly occupied with school, art, work, staying healthy, all the while battling with inward turmoil, guilt, and so many other emotions that I found myself broken multiple times. One occasion I was sobbing in the locker room and getting out any left over anger on the punching bags with bleeding knuckles at the gym. It's interesting what humans view as justice, and more specifically- justified punishment. Cause I punished myself by punching the mats so hard so that they would bleed. I felt as if I deserved it for the pain I caused a dear friend.
Sometimes because of shame, pain, or self worth (or lack of) we inflict pain/punishment on ourselves. This is called self harm. Not eating healthily by either overeating or eating too much on purpose isn't healthy and thus self harm. Not sleeping, isolating yourself, not meeting emotional and physical needs can all be considered self harm through not treating your body right. You're worth so much more than that. At the store, the value of an item is identified by how much someone pays for it right? If Jesus gave up his life, in exchange for yours, what does that say about your value? He paid the price, for your life, so you could live, because you are valued, and you are loved.
Punching mats, not eating right, etc., could be seen as self centered even, because insecurities are still self absorbed, but reveal inner lies and pain that needs to be addressed.
Now these are intimate matters and I would never dream of revealing secrets or private struggles of someone else, but overcoming pain and finding healing is part of my story and something I'd be passionate in helping others through.. because Papa God has been so generous in giving me grace to help my process of healing and overcoming so many lies that I hadn't even realized I was believing. And such lies were buried by so much shame that it hurt to try and expose them and so I hid them in the dark. But when you're under the outpouring of the Father's love, his light floods every area of our heart and you can't help but become exposed and undone.
During BSSM such lies will be exposed because we live in a revivalist culture, centered around Papa God and his unconditional love that constantly pours and pours and pours. We just need to learn how to position ourselves under it and process all of the dirt it exposes and allow him to keep cleaning everything he finds deep inside, but to focus on his grace and not our mistakes. Because Jesus paid the price for our punishment on the cross, he bore the shame of a criminal in our place, and as our old sinful lives have died with him, we also rise again with him as new creations in his glory. We were made for glory, and remade to be like him, who is alive and holy.
And you are also made holy and loved.
Obviously I don't want to diminish your pain or what you've been going through. This has been a long year and a half of processing and finally finding healing. I encourage you to talk about it, find someone you can trust, and take steps to learning how to love yourself.
One of these steps is intentionally trying asking God, or just yourself and processing what you believe about yourself.
For example, for the longest time I didn't believe I was beautiful. I didn't know that was a lie until it hurt too much to bare. It felt so good to believe that I was ugly... but I realized that's how Satan gets his way. For example: Let's say your mom made the best cookies ever, and you've already had 5. You know you shouldn't eat that 6th cookie, but you do anyway. It tastes sooo good in the moment, but later you have the worst stomach ache. Lies sound and taste good because its that satisfaction of temptation, but it only harms you because its not truth. God's truth is that you ARE beautiful or handsome, and knowing Jesus, He sets you free from any sin, lie, and pain. //The truth sets you free//
Taking a step to loving yourself, is getting to the root of the issues, which usually is a lie.
Some of the major lies and truths that God has been revealing in my own heart thus far, and if you identify with any of these, feel free to repent of the lies yourself and declare God's truths!
Lie: I'm no longer a child, and thus God no longer allows me in or wants me in His presence.
Truth: I'M ALWAYS A CHILD OF GOD, AND HE WANTS ME IN HIS PRESENCE, AND LOVES ME SO MUCH.
BIG FAT LIE: I don't deserve a good future husband, because I'm not good enough and a terrible person.
Truth: I am amazing and deserve a good future husband, I'm redeemed and holy.
Lie: I'm not wanted, because my experiences have shown me that I'm consistently rejected.
Truth: I may have been rejected and had friends in different seasons, but I am so wanted, I'm so loved and meant to have long term and deep relationships. I am a good friend, I love people well and worthy of being loved in return.
Thanks for reading friends, it's been a roller coaster and there's definitely much more to discuss. If you have any questions, comments, want to talk to somebody or share your story, please feel free to message me!(Comment below or privately with the comment space at the bottom of the page).
YOU ARE SO LOVED!
God bless!
His Beloved, Marianna
P.S
And weekly memory verse is Revelation 12:11 And he defeated him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. For they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die.
If you want to join me in any bible reading, tonight its 2 Samuel 7-12, Ps 23-25, 100, 101, 123-125.
Reason for the Season... of Blogging
Blogging, I've found is another form of public journal, to share thoughts, to collect reflections, and especially allows the readers to feel apart of my journey despite any form of distance! Now, on Facebook I generally post a bit and have small excerpts of what is going on in my life, but we'll consider this specific blog an opportunity for a VIP experience and insight into the world of Marianna and her various adventures and trips. Every post could vary in length and content- whether it be offensive joy, complete vulnerability, exasperation, sadness, or the mundane tasks of every day- it will surely be intriguing and filled with my unique voice and wit.
I would greatly suggest this blog or implore on your subscribing not just to read about my life, but probably because you've invested in me in some way or another. Whether that means experiences great things together, or donating to past or upcoming trips (like to Alaska!!). I will definitely be posting about such trips and if you're interested in knowing in how God has used your donation to reach lives or distant places, this is a great place for such information and testimonies.
Speaking of donations, I want to give a HUUUUGE shout out to everyone who has already supported me. Words do not begin to capture my awe and gratitude that are oozing out of my heart. You played a major role in blessing me and being God's hand and feet. Seriously, his hands and feet, because when God guides, he also provides- and when you chose to donate, you chose to take part in what God was already doing and not only impacting me, but investing in Alaska (and other future places) and what God is going to do THERE as well! So, T H A N K Y O U.
Interaction. I strongly encourage audience participation, so if you want to comment, message me, give me a call, donate, send me letters, ask questions, talk about your life, vent, send me puns, it's all welcome. Please, don't hold back!
Thank you kindly my dear friends and family,
His Beloved, Marianna
I would greatly suggest this blog or implore on your subscribing not just to read about my life, but probably because you've invested in me in some way or another. Whether that means experiences great things together, or donating to past or upcoming trips (like to Alaska!!). I will definitely be posting about such trips and if you're interested in knowing in how God has used your donation to reach lives or distant places, this is a great place for such information and testimonies.
Speaking of donations, I want to give a HUUUUGE shout out to everyone who has already supported me. Words do not begin to capture my awe and gratitude that are oozing out of my heart. You played a major role in blessing me and being God's hand and feet. Seriously, his hands and feet, because when God guides, he also provides- and when you chose to donate, you chose to take part in what God was already doing and not only impacting me, but investing in Alaska (and other future places) and what God is going to do THERE as well! So, T H A N K Y O U.
Interaction. I strongly encourage audience participation, so if you want to comment, message me, give me a call, donate, send me letters, ask questions, talk about your life, vent, send me puns, it's all welcome. Please, don't hold back!
Thank you kindly my dear friends and family,
His Beloved, Marianna
Monday, January 15, 2018
Pondering of 2017
I have been pondering 2017 for two days and have been trying to determine some of its defining moments.
Along with 2016, it has been awful, terrible, and also beautiful, extraordinary, breathtaking, and full of wonder. 2017 is the year of turning an adult, 18, with everything that involves. The year started with learning to forgive myself every day until I believed it. Of getting past my failures and mistakes, and letting go even though it caused harm to those around me. We can't change the past, but we continue to grow and learn from our choices and accept the next challenge to live intentionally. To work through pain, to process, but also learn to rejoice, dance, cry, and be thankful.
In 2017, I worked hard and pushed myself in self discipline, was healthy physically and worked on getting healthy emotionally. I worked at finding my passions and played with kids while shadowing 3rd grade at Heyer. I worked at Swimtastic and taught kids to swim! I climbed trees, no longer to hide, but to reach greater heights. God redeemed what had been tarnished and mended what had been broken. The days I battled till my knuckles bled, he slowed me down and tilted my chin up towards the sun, so I no longer fought recklessly in the darkness.
Then I felt an era of blossoming.
I got to end the school year with my senior art show, speaking at graduation and hopefully leaving my last imprint on the people I had studied with for 4 years. I traveled to Michigan and Minnesota- spending much needed time with family. Greenlake I started learning my place as a young adult, intimate walks with Jesus and beautiful sights of sunrises and meadows. Then weekend hikes to increase strength and endurance, getting out of my comfort zone and meeting incredible people till I spent 10 days with them on the Xtreme trip, which left me humbled, in awe, inspired and just mystified by nature, God's joy and strength when I have none, and deep fellowship. Also intense mountain climbing and cliff jumping. Dakotas, Montana, and Canada. And what it means to be truly weak, but also strong with Christ.
Then to leave what I've called home and move and start to "adult". Which truly means taking on the responsibility of making sure you're living interdependently. We need people, but you also need to know what you need to get those needs met, and learning how to say no to yourself. Which is what I've been practicing, and finding what my bigger Yes' are!
Such as being healthy, fit, intentional, focus on living all in for Papa, loving others and placing them in high importance, living powerfully and boldly-- all of which I am still focusing on and bring into 2018.
The rest of the 2017 year is moving to Bethel, meeting roommates and accepting them as family and my sisters. Learning to manage time, and pour out all I have on my savior, and learning that his unconditional love is something difficult to understand but something to pursue in understanding and revelation. Mountain climbing, grocery adventuring, rattlesnakes, traditions, high ropes course, dancing and drama classes! Having an amazing revival group as more family and continue to reaffirm truths in my spirit about who I am and my identity- especially by breaking off lies. Such truths as being a child of God, that he wants me in his presence, I deserve a good husband and good friends, I don't have to work for love- God and others love me for who I am. I am AMAZING, He is even more amazing, but I was made in his image!
Then coming back home and realizing that Papa is the same, wherever we are and we can live powerfully wherever we are. Also I just love my family so dearly, they are so kind and so admirable and lovely. Christmas and New Years were amazing and I'm beyond excited for the adventures, decisions, and challenges that will perfect and stretch my faith. Heck, I also cut off 22inches of hair- talk about decisions!
God you are so good, show us your beauty God. We want more of you at any cost!!
Thank you Papa for all the beautiful friends, family, and people around me and for a splendid and blessed 2018 for everyone.
Can't wait for Alaska in April, and to see how summer plans and fall plans develop. But I'm so thankful for today and right now.
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND THANK YOU!!
His beloved,
Marianna
Along with 2016, it has been awful, terrible, and also beautiful, extraordinary, breathtaking, and full of wonder. 2017 is the year of turning an adult, 18, with everything that involves. The year started with learning to forgive myself every day until I believed it. Of getting past my failures and mistakes, and letting go even though it caused harm to those around me. We can't change the past, but we continue to grow and learn from our choices and accept the next challenge to live intentionally. To work through pain, to process, but also learn to rejoice, dance, cry, and be thankful.
In 2017, I worked hard and pushed myself in self discipline, was healthy physically and worked on getting healthy emotionally. I worked at finding my passions and played with kids while shadowing 3rd grade at Heyer. I worked at Swimtastic and taught kids to swim! I climbed trees, no longer to hide, but to reach greater heights. God redeemed what had been tarnished and mended what had been broken. The days I battled till my knuckles bled, he slowed me down and tilted my chin up towards the sun, so I no longer fought recklessly in the darkness.
Then I felt an era of blossoming.
I got to end the school year with my senior art show, speaking at graduation and hopefully leaving my last imprint on the people I had studied with for 4 years. I traveled to Michigan and Minnesota- spending much needed time with family. Greenlake I started learning my place as a young adult, intimate walks with Jesus and beautiful sights of sunrises and meadows. Then weekend hikes to increase strength and endurance, getting out of my comfort zone and meeting incredible people till I spent 10 days with them on the Xtreme trip, which left me humbled, in awe, inspired and just mystified by nature, God's joy and strength when I have none, and deep fellowship. Also intense mountain climbing and cliff jumping. Dakotas, Montana, and Canada. And what it means to be truly weak, but also strong with Christ.
Then to leave what I've called home and move and start to "adult". Which truly means taking on the responsibility of making sure you're living interdependently. We need people, but you also need to know what you need to get those needs met, and learning how to say no to yourself. Which is what I've been practicing, and finding what my bigger Yes' are!
Such as being healthy, fit, intentional, focus on living all in for Papa, loving others and placing them in high importance, living powerfully and boldly-- all of which I am still focusing on and bring into 2018.
The rest of the 2017 year is moving to Bethel, meeting roommates and accepting them as family and my sisters. Learning to manage time, and pour out all I have on my savior, and learning that his unconditional love is something difficult to understand but something to pursue in understanding and revelation. Mountain climbing, grocery adventuring, rattlesnakes, traditions, high ropes course, dancing and drama classes! Having an amazing revival group as more family and continue to reaffirm truths in my spirit about who I am and my identity- especially by breaking off lies. Such truths as being a child of God, that he wants me in his presence, I deserve a good husband and good friends, I don't have to work for love- God and others love me for who I am. I am AMAZING, He is even more amazing, but I was made in his image!
Then coming back home and realizing that Papa is the same, wherever we are and we can live powerfully wherever we are. Also I just love my family so dearly, they are so kind and so admirable and lovely. Christmas and New Years were amazing and I'm beyond excited for the adventures, decisions, and challenges that will perfect and stretch my faith. Heck, I also cut off 22inches of hair- talk about decisions!
God you are so good, show us your beauty God. We want more of you at any cost!!
Thank you Papa for all the beautiful friends, family, and people around me and for a splendid and blessed 2018 for everyone.
Can't wait for Alaska in April, and to see how summer plans and fall plans develop. But I'm so thankful for today and right now.
I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND THANK YOU!!
His beloved,
Marianna
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